Single What? Female...

My contribution to the Discussion about "The Help"

I told this story for the first time at the Word Up! bookstore as part of the No Name reading series www.nonamenyc.com


I have read the book and may see the movie. There are good things, there are missing things, but overall it is a good book. And it makes me wonder how I would have been seen in those days…but I learned recently that I do not need to go back in time and down south to wonder what a little of that feels like…

The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine who told me about a friend of hers for whom she babysits. The friend is of Mexican descent, is married to a German gentleman and they have two children, both of whom are very fair. Thus, there are folks who believe she is the nanny to her own children. There is a great picture of her on Facebook holding a sign that reads “Do I Look Illegal?” For anyone that may see her here in the Heights or in Inwood, she is not illegal, they are her children and as to what she does for a living, when she is not teaching women to properly wrap their babies, she is a Soprano in the Metropolitan Opera Chorus.. Yes, those people who think she’s a nanny most likely have a subscription to see her on stage…and she probably makes more money than they do.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my friend Jane is a white girl from Western, MA. She married a man from Cameroon and they had a son who primarily looks like his father. When Jane goes around town in rural Massachusetts, no one may think that she’s the nanny, but they do tend to think that she adopted her own child. If you meet her out there, she will be sure to tell you that she is pretty sure that after dealing with 36 hours or so of labor, Xavier is indeed her child.

I think about these situations more now as I am due in January. I am mixed and my husband is white and we are indeed curious as to what our child will look like. Will it be lighter? Will my dad’s dominant genes come through causing it to be darker? Will someone think I am the nanny? Or will someone think it so wonderful that we adopted this lovely brown child? And will I care? I bring this up as, seriously, I just finished The Help a few weeks ago, and while I was reading it, I was up in New Hampshire. A friend of mine invited a few us up to her family’s summer house by a lake, and it’s beautiful. We had an awesome and relaxing week, but, of course, the last day came and it was time to clean. My friend and her boyfriend went out for a trash run, my husband was taking care of the kitchen, while I was finishing up the laundry.
The washer and dryer are right by the front door. As a slung a pillow case over my shoulder and continued to fold sheets, I noticed a car pull in the drive. A white lady and her son got out of the car. I saw that she was holding a bible and Jehovah’s Witness materials, thus this made me go for the door to tell her “I’m sorry, I’m not the regular owner of this house, so if you would like to come back at another time…” To which she replied as she handed me a Watchtower and an Awake!, “Well, maybe you could look at these when you’re on your break…”

As she turned and left, I realized something…She thought I was The Help!!!

I was brown, not the owner of the house and doing laundry, thus, of course what else was she to think?

Now I would like to believe, that if she saw anyone doing what I was doing, white, black, brown, yellow or red, and they also had said that they were not the actual owner of the house, she might also assume that they were The Help. But then again, particularly as during the week we were there - save for a waiter we saw - I was the darkest person up there, I have a feeling that was not the case.

At the time, I was too surprised and they had walked away too quickly for me to stop them and say something. As they pulled away, it really hit me and, admittedly, my first thought was “Oh my God! I have new material for my show!!!”

But as time has passed, I realized, I would love to have said something to this woman’s child. And it's something I am going to have to say to my child, save for the door to door part, as well. This is what I would like to have done:

Excuse me, m’am? May I have a word with your son real quick? Hi, I’m Alex. Could you do me a favor? When you grow up and are walking door to door on your own, if a person comes to the door and they have laundry or cleaning supplies with them and they look like me, or even if they look like you, do not do as your mom just did and assume that they are the help. Because they may not be. Like me. I am a guest here helping my friends clean up before we leave. So don’t make any assumptions about who a person is by what they look like or what they appear to be doing, just offer to tell them about your faith and go from there. That sound good? Because you know what happens when we assume: you make an "ass" out of “u” and “me”. All right, you just remind your mother about that, okay? Okay. Bye now! Have a good day!”


KEEP PAYING ATTENTION!

Peace --Alex

posted by funkweee @ 8:21 AM